The Thumotic Juicing Protocol

I noticed an epidemic of smart people hopping on the juicing bandwagon. Danger and Play, Juicing for Men, Dagonet, JDevoy, G Manifesto, and about half of the Roosh V Forum movers and shakers. One of my favourite life skills is observing and mimicking the behaviour of smart, successful people who are living the sort of lives that you want to live. So, all aboard the juicing train.

Christmas morning, I unwrapped a shiny new Jack Lalanne Power Juicer. That’s an amazon affiliate link in case you absolutely must have the same juicer as your hero Frost, but I don’t recommend it. Mine started smoking and shut down on the first use, then again on the second, and the third, all after half a cup of juice. I was about to chuck it and devote the rest of my blogging career to getting my rants about how horrible the Jack Lalanne juicer as highly ranked in search engines as possible, but it worked just fine on day four and it’s been good since, although the yields on Spinach, Parsley and collard greens have been pretty abysmal.

So, overall review:The Jack Lalanne Power Juicer works fine for me. I’m sure you could do worse. Also, Jack Lalanne is a motherfucking pimp. But, my recommendation would be to follow the advice of Juicing For Men, who knows much more about juicers than I do, and pick up the $59 Hamilton Beach Big Mouth 67650.

Why Juice?

I was skeptical when juicing first landed on my radar, because the people I’ve met who juice tend to be hippie, veggie, crunchy-granola types, who in general know very little about the optimal health and lifestyle protocols of a lifting, fighting, bulking, testosterone-maximizing young man.

But, even a stopped dirty hippie is right twice a day, and the non-hippies are starting to get wise to the benefits of juicing and blending fruits and vegetables.

Ultimately, juicing is not magic: It’s just a convenient way to get more servings of extraordinarily nutrient-dense foods in your diet.

So without further ado:

The Thumotic Juicing Protocol

Fruits and Vegetables

The purpose of juicing is to get more vegetables into your diet. But, you should be eating your veggies anyway. I eat a heaping plate of heavily-buttered broccoli, cauliflower, peppers, brussel sprouts or mixed vegetables with every weekday lunch and dinner. Fresh is better but frozen is fine if I don’t have time to shop.

I eat lots of blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, and strawberries, occasionally with breakfast or as a late-night snack. I keep apples and bananas around the house as well. Red wine (that’s a vegetable, right?) is my default drink of choice.

V8

I keep an XL bottle of V8 low-sodium vegetable juice in the bottom of my fridge at all times, and start most days with a tall glass. Would fresh juice be better? Absolutely. But, I take it as a given that I’m not going to wake up and run my juicer, then clean it out, every morning. The perfect should not be the enemy of the good.

Juice-y Sundays

Sunday morning, I go to the store and clean out their produce department. Carrots, beets, celery, apples, oranges, grapefruits, ginger, parsley, kale, collard greens. Then I spend the rest of the day cleaning my apartment, writing, reading, watching old movies, fucking, and drinking fresh juice on an otherwise empty stomach.

Would it be better to spread the five-ten juices I have on Sunday throughout the week? Probably. But my weeks are busy. I’m not going to spend a half an hour a day buying fresh produce and cleaning my juicer.

Occasionally, if I have the time and inclination, I will have a Juice-y Wednesday or Thursday as well.

The Results

I went into juicing expecting strong results, so I’m sure there’s a bit of placebo effect going into all this. But I’m equally sure it’s more than that.

When I started increasing my vegetable intake and drinking V8 (before I got a juicer) I noticed slightly elevated energy levels and better workouts.

When I used my juicer for the first time and squeezed out a hundred bucks worth of fresh veggies over two days, I felt pretty great for a week after that. I caught a cold that was crippling half my office, but I fought it off in two days. Broke my bench and deadlift PRs in my next heavy workout. Sex drive noticeably up. Most of all, I started feeling a general and permanent sense of alertness and mild psychological hunger. I’ve been following this juicing protocol for almost a month now, and I look and feel great.

Conclusion

Buy a juicer. Follow my protocol, or better yet, create your own that fits your lifestyle and habits. Do me a solid and tweet @freedomtwenty5 if you want to: 1) To share your experiences with juicing, 2) Share juice recipes, or 3) Discuss the effects of drinking lots of juice in one day, as opposed to spreading it out through the week. If anyone can present evidence for significant benefits to daily juicing, I’m open to being convinced.