Facilitating, Not Attracting

Here’s a useful mindset for you to try out: Game is about facilitating sex, not creating attraction.

The mindset works like this: Forget about attracting girls. Forget about conjuring panty moisture out of thin air. Learning game is just a matter of understanding how to step aside and let sex happen without shooting yourself in the foot.

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Let’s compare a day in the life of two aspiring practitioners of the crimson arts: Alvin The Attractor and Frank the Facilitator.

Alvin and Franklin both notice a cute girl standing at the same stoplight as them. Wowee! They think, that girl is smoking!

Alvin enters the interaction with the assumption that this girl will find him repugnant unless he quickly and persuasively convinces her otherwise. He starts asking her questions about jealous boyfriends, The View, and cubes in a desert.

Stanley thinks, Hey, I’m a pretty cool guy! and starts chatting with the girl about bullshit for a few minutes, to give her an opportunity to notice how cool he is. Alternatively, he just goes right ahead and pays her a genuine compliment coupled with a gentle tease. Either way, his job is simply to break the ice and maintain a fun conversation so she and him can feel out each others’ vibes.

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Later that week (day in the life, what?) Alvin spends a cumulative hour sending his girl wordy and thoughtful texts filled with DHV details of his life and comfort-building fluff conversation. Alvin thinks he is making progress because his girl is responding to all these texts. He confuses her boredom with interest, but that’s a whole other post.

Stanley sees text messages as a tool for nailing down date logistics with a girl who is already interested. His text game is centered around hashing out the details of the next date, with a small amount of joking/flirting mixed in when appropriate. He is quick to cut off and ignore any girl who demonstrates less than 100% enthusiasm for moving the relationship forward.

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On a first date, Alvin comes equipped with a binder full of routines, attraction stacks and props: A literal and metaphorical bag of tricks to turn this girl, who he assumes is disinterested in him, into a warm prospect. He is nervous and reaction-seeking, because he knows that he still must earn the girl’s approval.

Stanley is not stressing. He has his first-date spot on lockdown, and he has his elevator-speech responses to the typical first date questions, but otherwise his philosophy is that he already is who he is, and this girl is either going to be into it or not. A good metaphor is a boxer going into a fight. The fighter is going to win or lose based on the work he did in the weeks leading up to that day. By the time he steps into the ring, the outcome of the fight is pre-determined. There’s nothing left to do but put yourself out there and see how the chips fall.

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Later on, Alvin and Stanley have gotten their prospects into their bedrooms.

Alvin believes that he must now convince, cajole, persuade and pressure his girl into sex. He busts out a suite of Last-Minute-Resistance-destroyers, freeze-outs, and general deal-closing tomfoolery.

Stanley is cool as the Fonz. He is in a dark room alone with a girl. He knows that if she wants to fuck him, she will. He relaxes, enjoys fooling around with her, keeps moving the ball upfield, while making her feel comfortable and unpressured. He understands that since the girl has let herself come into this situation, she is at least thinking about sex. He understands that she might need a bit more time to feel comfortable, and that she wants to have a little bit of a dance before she gives it up.

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Too often, men in the seduction community see game as a collection of tricks you must use to create attraction. But sex is the most natural thing in the world. Men and women were somehow meeting and fucking well before The Mystery Method was published. Learning game and getting laid is not a matter of building bridges. It is about removing obstacles. Approaching breaks down the obstacle of unfamiliarity. Leadership and good logistics break down the obstacles of practicality and convenience. Most importantly of all, the modern man must excise the limiting beliefs imposed on him by an emasculated post-feminist culture in which men are told to feel ashamed of their masculinity and sexuality.

The world is full of women who want to get laid. Be cool, and make yourself available to them.