How To Find A Wife

There are a plenty of men who are uninterested in marriage and fatherhood. Some have been hurt by women in their lives, traumatized by the experience, and are unwillingly to put themselves at risk of being hurt again; some are by their nature r-selected simpletons with no innate drive for the higher-order rewards of legacy and genetic continuity; some simply do not possess that most natural desire of all living things: To create and care for a living, breathing vessel for your genetic code, and die with the knowledge that such a vessel will preserve and propagate the essence of your life force into the next generation and throughout eternity.

I don’t judge such men as inferior, but this guide to intelligent and effective procreation in the 21st century is not for them.

In a civilized, monogamous society, finding a wife and raising children is a simple matter. A man can seek out a wife, woo her in the manner approved by the social norms of his tribe, and count on the people and institutions around him to facilitate the process of courtship, marriage, and child bearing. Whatever advice he needs on the subject will be readily available via his family, friends, and culture.

In our broken society, this approach is a near guarantee of failure. The modern man who resigns himself to courtship and marriage as prescribed to him by his culture, education, and religious leaders is setting himself up for a barren future. Whether it be from divorce theft, cuckoldry, a false rape accusation, or simply a childless marriage to a barren, used-up career girl whose fertile window was spent on a career, casual sex, and an age-accelerating unhealthy lifestyle – his future is dark indeed.

Marriage, as we are currently expected to practice it, is a crap deal. But just because something is difficult, doesn’t make it unworthy of the effort.

It has taken some soul-searching, but I’ve made my tentative decision: I will be a father. I will do my utmost to find a wife worthy of my lifelong commitment. I will do all that I can to rise above the chaos and build my own little outpost of stability and order. This rest of this post is a guide for men with similar priorities.

1) The Mindset

I have exactly one goal driving me on my search for a wife: Children. That’s it. I want to be a father, and I want my children to enter life with the best possible chance of success. I believe that a monogamous partnership with a woman is the best way to do this. The prospects of cloning and surrogate mothers also intrigue me, but I ultimately want my children to have a mother in their lives. This is the only valid reason for marriage today: Procreation.

Do you want a wife because you crave companionship? You’re an idiot. Get a dog.

Do you want a wife because your friends and family expect you to get married? You’re a coward. Be a man and make your own choices in life.

Do you want a wife because your pastor has convinced you that marrying a divorcee is your duty as a Christian? You’re a coward, and an adulterer on top of it all.

I repeat, there is only one reason why a modern man should even consider marriage, and that is the prospect of becoming a father. If you want sex, love, and companionship, these things are far easier to get outside of a lifelong monogamous relationship than within it.

You must look upon your search for a wife in purely logical and rational terms. Do not let your emotions cloud the decision. Thie idea that marriage should be about practical considerations and not subject to the caprices of romantic love, is as common historically as it is unpopular today. Romeo and Juliet is the ultimate cautionary tale of the dangers of romantic love, although our contemporaries are rarely smart enough to read it as such. Marrying for love implies that your primary goal in mate selection is the cultivation of happy feelings in your heart, and that the creation of a stable and healthy environment for your children is a secondary concern.

Again, if you want a companion, get a dog. If you want to be a father, choose your mate with your brain, not your heart or your dick.

2) Building Yourself

One of the great privileges of being a man is the ability to delay marriage and fatherhood at will. The correlating duty is that you must exercise your free will to become the man you are capable of being, because you will only ever get the quality of mate that you deserve.

This means that you cannot spend your twenties playing video games and smoking weed. You cannot spend your twenties getting fat, living paycheck to paycheck, and coasting in your career and education.

The hard part about being a man in the 21st century is that the vast majority of money, status, sexual access and happiness are accruing to an increasingly small slice of the male population. The easy part is that your peers are a bunch of sackless pantywaists, which means its a fairly simple matter to fight into that top five percent.

Krauser has an excellent post on the importance of building yourself in your young adulthood. Danger and Play has written repeatedly on this topic as well. I will add to the chorus and say that I am incredibly grateful to my younger self for all the books he read, money he saved, hours he spent in the gym, the valuable friends he made, and the effort he put into his education and early career development.

Our generation firmly believes that a man’s early twenties are a time for getting blackout drunk five nights a week, going to ten or fifteen hours of class a week, playing video games, and otherwise not doing a hell of a lot. But the returns to hard work and education (in any form) decrease with age. A man in his twenties lays the foundation of the man he will be for the rest of his life. If you want to earn the right to choose one of the few remaining decent women in our society as a mate, you must do so my turning yourself into one of the few remaining decent men.

This reading list will start you along the path towards a lifetime of auto-didactism. The Freedom Twenty-Five blogroll will expose you to the broad range of pretty-lie-smashing, counter-progressive Red Pill knowledge. I won’t into the details of career selection, but Krauser’s post will give you the tools you need to make those choices. Beyond that, avoid the temptations of sloth, complacency and time-consuming habits that do not constitute an investment in yourself.

3) Learning The Skills

It’s far too easy to waste time in the seduction community. There are too many books to read, too many videos to watch, and a near-unlimited number of available women upon which you can ‘practice.’

But with that said, the modern young man should immediately and unhesitatingly dive into the wide world of seduction methodology. A one-year crash course of ten hours per week reading books, watching videos, and another ten practicing material in the field, will set a man up with the knowledge and practical experience he needs for a lifetime of success with women. Complete this crash course at a young age, and you can spend the rest of your life refining and perfecting your own personal style. Break through the fear of approaching, and you can spend the rest of your life with the ability to meet and ask out women you meet casually in your life.

This post (click and bookmark it, you’ve still got the rest of this post to read) is an excellent guide to giving yourself a basic introduction to the practice of seduction and the Ev Psych/NLP background from whence it came.

4) Choosing A Mate

How should a man go about choosing from the great mass of broken women around him, and identify one of the rare few who might actually be worthy of marriage?

A man must first have standards. This post lays out mine. I suggest you adopt them as well. Many will try to convince you that they are unreasonable. They are, for an average man, which is why you must build yourself into an exceptional man.

Where do decent women congregate? To answer this question, close your eyes and put yourself in the shoes of the sort of woman you would like to marry. How does she spend her weekends and free time?  What sort of men does she pursue? Your answers will give you a road map to finding and meeting the women you want to meet.

5) The Interview Process

Now we get into the meat of this guide. Thus far, my advice has been pretty straightforward:

  1. Decide you want a family
  2. Become a worthy man,
  3. Learn a bit of game
  4. Go meet women where the good women already are.

Good advice, sure, but nothing you couldn’t read in an above average men’s magazine article.

But this is not Maxim. This is Thumotic. This is the place where one finds harsh, gut-wrenching truths that sends cowards back into the safety of their mothers’ bosoms. If that’s your style, friend, hang on: It’s about to get dark in here.

As pleasant as it would be to live in a world where we can all basically trust others to treat us with basic respect and human decency, we do not to live in such a world. Principles of masculine honour such as honesty and the inviolability of sworn oaths are an anachronism in our culture. A man who seeks to marry a woman who truly believes in chastity, lifelong fidelity, wifely submission, and male headship, cannot simply ask a woman if she believes in those principles. She may simply lie, and no one but you and a few lonely blogging reactionaries will judge her for it. Even if she swears to you with all her heart that she will dedicate her life to being a properly traditional and Christian wife, if at any point in time she whimsically changes her mind, you and you alone will feel that her betrayal is immoral or unjustified.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what a man does. By marrying and having children, he is signing up for a life spent at the mercy of his wife. She can choose, any day she likes, to take away his children and livelihood. There is no contract that can be signed, no promise that can be extracted, and no vetting procedure perfect enough to ensure that this does not happen.

 6) See the sausage being made

With this bullet, I part ways with many traditionalists who, until now, may have been happy to endorse this post. A traditionalist man who reserves sex for marriage can still implement most of the advice in this guide. He can take many steps to protect himself against divorce theft. Perhaps, his lack of hypocrisy and greater ability to pair-bond will earn him a unique set of advantages in the long-term dating game. But ultimately, he is playing with one hand tied behind his back. Reading, thinking, planning, and intellectualizing is not enough to understand women.

A man who wishes to permanently bind his wealth, happiness and genetic legacy to a woman, must first learn their true nature. Not the angelic, faultless caricature painted by the Church. Not the twisted, a-feminine monstrosity encouraged by our feminist culture. Not the overly dismal, cynical and uncharitable portrait one gets from certain corners of the Manosphere. A man who wants the best for his children must choose a proper wife. To do this, he must first learn all that he can – the good, the bad, and the ugly – about female nature.

Here’s a hard truth: you can’t trust anyone in the world. Not your teachers, your parents, your pastor, not even your favourite bloggers. The only thing you can trust unconditionally is what you see, hear and experience with your own senses.

And so, men who desire marriage, children, family, stability, and posterity – I suggest you spend the better part of your twenties swimming in the shark tank of the modern sexual marketplace.

This will be a hard pill to swallow for some, particularly those men who take seriously the Bible’s teachings on fornication and adultery. But I don’t see any way around it. I have slept with many, many women, or all ages, from all sorts of backgrounds, in every conceivable context. I have had many one-night stands, many casually physical ongoing relationships, and a few true loves during which I traveled to the outer limits of joy and contentment, and then endured the pain of the journey back. I have helped several women cheat on their boyfriends, often in the most flagrant and disrespectful manner possible. I have slept with, and possibly fathered adulterated children, with married women. I have utterly destroyed the hearts and souls of lovely girls, for a time at least. I have had my own heart broken. In short, I have seen an experienced a wide gamut of human female behaviour. After it all, I am still regularly taken by surprise in my relationships with women. I can’t imagine how deaf and blind a man without my experience must be.

A man who attempts to intelligently father children without this sort of background, is making a blind call on the most important bet of his life. It’s true that there are many risks associated with an early adulthood spent living up the playboy lifestyle, from the physical (STDs, unplanned pregnancies) to the psychological (excess cynicism, degradation of your ability to pair-bond) and even the spiritual. But truly, what alternative is there? It’s no coincidence that the men who are most cogently understanding and explaining the modern sexual marketplace, are largely those men who have most fully immersed themselves in its bowels. Behind my keyboard, I believe that traditional sexual morality is good for society. But in my personal life, and in the advice that I offer to the young men of my generation, I see no profit in the virtue of chastity preached by those belief systems.

Ironically, it is far more important for traditional men to immerse themselves in the crimson arts, than it is for their simpler, hedonistic brothers.

I’ll conclude with the single most important step in the modern man’s blueprint for successful family formation:

7) Accept that you may fail

No man can be guaranteed success in anything worth doing, and this is notably true in the pursuit of a stable marriage and fatherhood. But that’s OK.

Many projects are worth doing, even though they carry a high risk of costly failure. Starting a business, for example. Writing a book. Quitting a job to travel. Any big, long-term, potentially life-altering project brings risk.

But no one is telling men they shouldn’t do any of those things. When it comes to failure in business, careers, and other projects unrelated to marriage and family, the standard advice is full speed ahead. Sure, a bad decision in those areas of life may cost you your life savings, your income, and several years of your life.

There is one big difference between career moves and family formation that creates this double standard: Men invest their ego and emotions in their families.

This seems like the most natural thing in the world. Perhaps it is, but the cold reality of our age is this:

A man who allows himself to become emotionally blindered in his romantic relationships, will see those relationships fail. A man who invests his ego and sense of self in his family, gives his wife the power to take those things away from him, along with his family and livelihood.

A man who chooses a wife, and chooses his behaviour within his marriage, in as rational a manner as he is capable of, will minimize his risk of divorce. A man who derives his identity from his family will collapse into a weeping ball of failure when it is taken from him. A man who treats his family like a business will be in a position to hide his assets, flee the country, and make smart legal decisions in the ensuing battle over custody of his children. He will also have the presence of mind to, in the worst case scenario, accept what he has lost and cannot recover, and start anew.

All of this sounds cold and cynical. But note that your future children are better served by a father who can act effectively in their interest.

This, the necessity of loving a family with your brain instead of your heart, is another reason a man should spend his twenties unmarried. The experience of falling completely and totally in love with a woman who feels the same for you, is one of the greatest joys available to mortal men. But, as joyful as pure love is, it’s dangerous in the legally and socially precarious context of a 21st-century marriage. If you’re going to experience incautious love – and every man should, at least one point in his life – better to do it in your youth, and before you have your children and life’s work on the line.

All this is not to say that you should fight all feelings of love for your spouse and children. Even if this were desirable, this would only be possible for the most jaded and sociopathic of men.

What this guide recommends is that you keep one foot planted firmly in reality. Love your wife, but love your children more. Know the law in your jurisdiction. Draw up contingency plans. Review them with a good lawyer, and keep him on speed dial. Be a good husband, but always be prepared to abandon your feelings, and make the tactical moves necessary to protect yourself, your children, and the assets you’ll need to give them the life you want for them, if your wife chooses to rebel against you and the oaths she swore.

If you do not want children, there are no arguments I can make to change your mind. Nor would I be inclined to make them if there were. The early twenty-first century is a truly awful time for men who wish to found and care for families. Most who try, will fail. But for those men of my generation who have decided that fatherhood is one of our priorities, this guide offers you the tools to maximize your probability of raising children in a stable, safe, happy environment.  This guide gives you the tools to minimize the odds that your family will be ripped apart by a frivolous divorce. If you have the courage and the desire to try to buck this trend, follow this advice and give yourself a fighting chance.


    • Peter Savin says

      His advice is partly good. I don’t believe in secrecy and certainly not in whoredom (never sleep with a ho!). Still better than nothing.

      My plan is to announce my desire, get many leads and investigate those that I like best. When I’m ready. Any worthy man can do it. You don’t need to stalk a virgin or lie to one. They want babies and good husbands, too. So, they are already looking for you. You only need to get out with an ad — proven strategy.

      The hard part is dodging damn hoes in the process. Sad creeps. It’s easy with 99+% of the hoes. I never fail at this except for cryptohoes. I hate those skanks. They are real chameleons, but still can be tracked.

      There is a connection betweet girl’s short ability to lie and her character and intelligence. Sluts are stupid. Always shopping and can only count to ten. All women are liars, but lies can be dealt with by repetitions of what you need to know and why.

      PS. Iphone is a sluts’ flag.

  1. Telemachus_1 says

    This was a pretty interesting read, but demanding a virgin in 2013 America is decidedly unreasonable. You might as well be looking for a unicorn. That means that this author, like many in game land, is still detached from reality to a great extent. And therefore, I can’t take any of this seriously.

    • Peter Savin says

      Not true. America is rich in virgins. It’s just you can’t see any around. Your energy signature may be whorish and repulsive for virgins. I knew many virgins, and still know some that I don’t want.

  2. Geneive says

    My husband and I fiercely protect our daughters from the scourge of manhood as yourself. While your intent for procreation is an accurate biological drive and social proscription for marriage, the lack of character and morality you possess are far more detectable than you presume. Any truly genetically gifted, well-equipped, well-trained, and high-minded young woman will be a challenge for you to detect, much less come into her sphere. Good luck to you and your future offspring.

    • Tex says

      This above… is why the article is both needed for young men and necessary, and as a father of both adult men and women, one of the most excellent.

      The ruination of “the institution of marriage” by the religious and “Disney” delusional is squarely on the sloped shoulders of feminized society.

      A rational, logical young man such as this is far from a scourge, he is an asset to the dwindling numbers of productive humans left on the face of this globe.

      Emotion is NOT character, the ability to use logic and reason – against all odds, and “modern social standards” (cultural Marxism) is the height of character!

      Bravo young man, all shame as warranted to delusion!

    • Peter Savin says

      It’s good you’re protecting them. Don’t make a mistake. Love is only chemistry and can’t be sustained.

    • Thinking Woman says

      Amen. And since this was written, he’s contracted an STD. Brilliant.

      He wants from a woman what he himself cannot offer. What virginal woman wants a man who slept with so many women? Presumably avoidence of STDs was part of her decision to remain a virgin.

      Sexually active men can carry some deadly forms of the HPV virus (deadly to women) and there is NO TEST to detect if a man has HPV. Condoms don’t offer complete detection as the virus can be on the testicles.

      And women suffer far more from the complications of HPV. If he’s so hell bent on children, at least he should care about infecting the future mother of his children and possibily giving her cancer.

  3. JacHunter says

    After studying PUA in my late teens-early twenties and wading through the pile of douchebag refuse that is the dating pool of Western women, I’d developed pretty much the same standards for a breeding partner you describe and had subsequently given up hope of ever finding a worthy wife. This might have given me a sliver back.
    Though your desire to find a Christian woman seems a little bizarre to me, as statistically (and anecdotally), most brazen sluts these days are “Christian.” You’d be better off finding a nice Muslim girl if you want to go the religious route, preferably one emigrated from one of the countries where extra-marital sex is an actual crime.
    Your four steps under gauging character are absolutely spot on, I’ve personally used 1, 3, and 4 to great effect, but going faux-beta is diabolically brilliant. I’ve internalized pick-up so much that I never even consider going back, but that is as sure-fire a way as I’ve seen to test if a woman is true.
    Also, I find your description of “overly dismal, cynical and uncharitable” men offensive and yet insightful.

  4. lol says

    Any girl with a decent amount of self-respect would not stay in a relationship in which you are purposefully making her unhappy. A real keeper would walk away with no regrets, knowing that she can easily find a more worthy guy who will not treat her like a doormat.

  5. PrariePoly says

    I am still taken by surprise in my relationships with women on a fairly regular basis. I can’t imagine how deaf and blind a man without my experience must be.

    I still really have no clue whats going on despite my experience, instead of admitting I’m not effectively learning much in my experience I’m going to assume that everyone else knows less

    I haven’t been surprised by what women do (and I mean that in a specific, what the individual women around me do) in a very long time. Mind it’s pretty rare I’m surprised by what men do either.

    If you’ve done all that and still are as far from ‘getting it’ as your post above describes you’re only reedeeming factor is that you do indeed 7) Accept that you may fail. You most likely will.

    Such a loser that has to fake illness and use software to get his girls passwords doesn’t have much hope of succeeding. The first made me laugh, the second is more pitiable. Anytime you want to look at what shes doing you have her tell her her passwords. If she won’t give them up you’re already doing something wrong (and no, its not something gamma or lower style skulking and snooping will fix)

    You’ve got to get a bit more of a cogent philosophy of human behaviour under your belt. Your scope of experience in ‘the sexual marketplace’ is obviously too narrow for subject matter. But perhaps you don’t yet realize that old men get relegated to their own spinsterhood in most cases.

  6. Marc says

    Well, first of all i wish you good luck on your way – which will of course include your own further development of character…

    You got some criticism. Here are my thoughts.

    Being 31 i share a lot of your sentiment. I contemplated the idea to try to find a good wife very intensely last year but got disheartened by the prospects. The women here in Berlin are not in any way less crazy than the ones in your country, i guess.

    Also i got into a phase of heightened awareness of my spiritual vocation in life, and i doubt very much that there are many good girls who would take a man seriously that opts for simple living and service to humanity instead of putting all his power into gaining material wealth… so i will probably never father biological children. But then again i think that it is not the most important thing in life. It is the second most important thing to me. And i am willing to give the life of the flesh up, if that is the will of the Most High.

    Let me comment on some things.

    I can understand the temptation to want to read your girl’s email. But i urge you to think this through properly! It is highly immoral to do it without her consent and you will not be able to form a real connection with your future spouse. This will crush you after some years – it will haunt you.

    Instead in my humble opinion you should rely on getting to know her and her social circle and to observe how she acts. Rely on your brain, your heart and pray to God to reveal to you, if she is right for you.

    Interestingly i also had the idea of testing her willingness to go through a rough time with you. I think this is a legitimate practice. Although here also, one has to be cautious not to exaggerate.

    I also agree that it is important for young men to experience the dating game. But i don’t think that you have to actually have a lot of sex with a host of women to experience the important lessons – to find out, what kind of a woman you are really looking for…

    Again, good luck to you, may you be blessed mightily!

  7. Mark Boris says

    Concerning Number 6, better to enter Heaven maimed than to have your whole body cast into Hell.

    Christ (probably) died a virgin. I’m prepared to bear that cross as well.

  8. Dina Strange says

    Written by a man who understands ZERO how a woman operates. What a pile of nonsense. If guys listen to what this dude wrote and follow it, divorce is a guarantee.

    • Peter Savin says

      I will only marry a virgin and not going to try fornication. Suggest a better gameplan.