I went speed dating last night and had a lovely time. For those of you who live under rocks, speed dating is where you pay a few bucks to go on a dozen three-minute dates with a bunch of girls who’ve signed up to do the same. As a keen student of human sexual dynamics, and a narcissist who loves to talk about myself, it was right up my alley. Here are some notes from the night:
1) All the girls were ugly
Of the fifteen girls I met, there was not a single one I would have been arsed to cold approach during the day. There were only three that I could honestly describe as ‘not the slightest bit overweight.’ Of those three, one was thirty-five, and the other two had faces like Bebop and Rocksteady.
Does speed dating attract ugly girls? No, I don’t believe it does. In fact I would say the average girl at this event was above average. But speed dating by its nature exposes you to the mass market girls, the thick middle (interpret that how you wish) of the bell curve for female attractiveness. I line up most of my girls by either 1) Approaching the top 10% hottest girls I see on the street, in coffee shops, and at the grocery store, or 2) Messaging the top 10% hottest girls on Plenty Of Fish. Any deviation from these elite funnels and into the fetid swamps of mediocrity – such as mass market speed dating – will inevitably lead to disappointment.
2) It was worth it
Fifteen new faces, fifteen new opportunities to play a new character, fifteen little social experiments to carry out – yeah, did I mention I’m a malignant narcissist? I had a blast.
Speed dating is also a great way to improve your social awareness, practice your first impressions, and really get a sense of how to read girls’ reactions. If first dates make you nervous, if you don’t yet have a sense of nihil nova before you sit down with a new girl for that first drink, hit up a few speed dating events and break through that anxiety.
3) The guys were pretty cool
There some dorks, but I ended up exchanging information with more guys than girls – a few professional contacts, and two guys who apparently have a great custom clothing guy in the city. Yes, I went to a speed dating event and got guy’s phone number so we could talk about fashion. It was just thuper.
But the real takeaway for me was reflecting on just how out of whack the dating market for average guys and average girls was. Literally every guy there was in at least pretty good shape. As I mentioned, almost every girl was fat. It’s like there’s some kind of horrible fat-fixing cartel organized by modern womenfolk. The worst part is, half these thick girls are looking around and seeing so many women fatter than them, they’re probably deluding themselves into checking off “Average” or god forbid “Athletic” on their online dating profiles.
4) There was one girl who I really clicked with
We had an awesome three-minute date. She was smart and cool and had lived a really interesting life. I tracked her down during the break to give her a chance to finish an awesome story she was telling me when we were interrupted by the buzzer. I really, really enjoyed my time meeting her.
But, she was thirty pounds overweight, and so I did not consider meeting her again for even one second. Let that be a lesson, ladies, in the values and standards of men with options.
5) There were three girls I considered banging
I don’t trust the group of slapdicks running the event, so I crunched numbers from the only three tolerably cute girls in the post-speed-date mingle session.
Girl #1 gave me her number, but warned me that it was a landline. I laughed and asked if I could reach her by fax. Write off.
Girl #2 was a borderline case after three pints, but sober Frost knows he’s better than that.
Girl #3 was actually very cute, but ten or so pounds chubbier than the ideal. We had a lovely chat and she is a sweetheart, and fortuitously a useful contact for an ulterior purpose. I will be calling her toot-suite and running her through the first date bang or the second date bang recipe.
Final Verdict: Speed Dating was fun. Would have been even more fun if I went drunk, high, tripping balls, or 100% committed to the Amish back story I experimented with on a few girls. Try it for yourself and hit me up on Twitter if you come away with a cool story. You can also leave a comment below, I’m opening them up because fuck it why not.