The 100% Guaranteed Second-Date Bang

This is my 100% guaranteed-or-your-money-back recipe (literally and figuratively) for getting laid in one and a half dates. Caveats: It is free, so you will not actually get any money back. Also, my lifetime success rate with it is about 75%. But that’s still pretty fucking solid if you ask me, so have a seat and prepare to be enlightened.

The goal of this timeline is to convert leads (numbers) into stable, semi-regular, friends-with-benefits type girls, as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Number Crunch

I have two main sources of numbers: Day approaches and, more recently, online game. During the day, I crunch numbers in five minutes or less, so I am usually hitting day one with almost no groundwork pre-laid. It is, for all intents and purposes, a blind date.

The First Date

I almost never go for the first date bang. In fact, I almost never go for the first date lasting longer than an hour and a half. I used to go for the bang every time, usually unsuccessfully, but now I do not for two reasons:

1) As I am usually going in blind, I don’t know if I will want to bang her. I’m a busy man and don’t want to book off a full night from my calendar when I don’t absolutely have to. Short first dates fit conveniently into the 830-10pm weekday evening time slot.

2) Going for the first date bang and getting rebuffed kills momentum and takes away all the tingle-inducing guessing games on her part.

First dates almost always go down at 8:30PM at a sort-of-trendy, sort-of-divey lounge I have on lockdown three blocks from my apartment. I generally just try to relax and focus on deciding if I like her, having fun, joking around, role-playing, and keeping things light and non-sexual. Usually I don’t even go for the kiss, unless the girl is absolutely begging for it, and even then I will cut it short.

The Interbellum

After the first date, radio silence for three days, sometimes more. If the girl seems a bit “soft”, i.e. sweet and not so jaded, I will text her in 2-3 days. Otherwise I let it drag on. Usually the ‘harder’ girls will reach out before I do. When this happens, you can put the second date bang down as collateral on your house. Others I text within the week. Text conversation is a few exchanges of flirtation, usually calling back to role-playing and inside jokes from the date, then business.

The Second Date

Now we get to the meat. So far, this post has been nothing more than textbook aloof game. Solid, but nothing you’re going to buy a $499 DVD lecture series over. The second date ties it all together.

The second date is dinner at my place. Thursday is the ideal night. Eight is the ideal start time.

The dish is always the same: Thai chicken curry. There are several reasons why this dish is sheer perfection:

1) Prep is 50% chopping, dicing,cubing. This gives her something to do, and you something to order her around the kitchen over. You will have lots of opportunities to touch her, guide her, and play up the dominant/submissive, boss/underling relationship over the course of cooking.

2) It is almost impossible to fuck up. If you portion the right ingredients, cook the chicken all the way through, and heat it for long enough, it will taste great. Optional, but I also like to pretend it’s my first time making the recipe and play up the angle of “adventure” and our shared mission. Of course, it always turns out fine, and (theorizing) she imputes that success onto our budding relationship.

3) Most important of all: The timing of the recipe leaves you a 30-60 minute window between prep and serving, for shenanigans. To make a curry, you are basically going to mix all the shit together and ignore it for an hour and drink wine on your couch. Obviously, we are going to make good use of this opportunity.

Let’s take a step back for a minute. What does this girl see coming at her? Well, you are a high-value guy who had the balls to cold approach her in the grocery store, gym, yoga studio, street, or what have you. You guys had a fun first date, but she spent the week after it wondering if you were ever going to call. She has been progressively moistening herself in your kitchen while you touch her and command her to chop this, slice that, etc. Now, her guard is down because if you’re going to make a move on her, obviously you’re going to make it after dinner.

So, when you get down to it on your couch, she’s got 2 glasses of wine in her otherwise empty stomach, she’s almost begging you to kiss her, and her logical brain is not expecting a move at all. You’ve got one hour to take advantage of this perfect storm of arousal.

Often, you will get the bang right there. Usually, you will get a serious, very sexual makeout. If dinner feels like it is rudely interrupting your foreplay, you’re doing it right. Dinner should now include some regular breaks for making out, touching her, fingering her, banging her on your kitchen floor or up against your counter, et cetera. Not only does this make sex at the end of the night much, much more likely, it also makes for a way more fun dinner. Once you’ve gotten physical, the walls come down, you both start to open up, and you’ll wind up feeling a lot closer and sharing a lot more than you would have otherwise.

Keys To This Recipe

- Up until Date #2, she should be wondering whether you like her or not. Your mindset is: “I’m a cool, friendly guy who will be nice to this girl, but I’m not sure I’m really that into her.”

- Switch gears from aloof to hot for her by way of a contrived hook point. What’s that you ask? Tune in next week to find out.

- Above all else: Make sure you sexualize the night before dinner. If you don’t do this, dinner will feel like First Date: Part 2, and you will have to switch gears at ten o’clock while she is full and tired and has to work the next day and her brain has now filed you into “relationship potential guy who really should wait a few more dates, so that he has a proper appreciation of the value of her snatch.” Fuck that noise.

Also required reading: Tuthmosis’s Recipe For Securing The First-Date Bang. The question of whether to go for a long first date –> bang, or a quick first date, second date –> bang, comes down to personal preference. Personally I like my system, I will generally get bored of hanging out with a chick for a full night, and I don’t want to book a full night off of other commitments for an unsure thing. It’s also nice to give a girl an easy way to rationalize that she’s not a slut because she made me wait a full date. But to each their own.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have coconut milk and condoms to buy. Happy hunting, friends.