The female of the human species has always been flaky, and she has always been flaky for the same reason: To test the persistence and dedication of men.
Her unconscious logic goes as follows: let’s say a woman wants to test a man for how invested he is in a budding relationship. She can’t simply ask a man how committed he is, because men can lie. But acting like a flake forces a man to tip his hand. Will he tolerate her one-word texts and broken dates? Will he respond to her “can’t make tonight” last-minute text with a proposal for a new time and place? If she stands him up, will he continue the pursuit?
A man who will put up with such behaviours and come back for more, is clearly invested. A man who will not, isn’t.
Once upon a time, in a more wholesome era, the purpose of a woman’s testing was to weed out the uncommitted men. Women played hard to get, to ensure that only the men willing to put in the effort and properly invest in them, could make progress in a relationship.
In the 21st century however, the tactics are the same, but the optimal male response is the opposite. Female flakiness is still a tool to gauge a man’s investment – but now, the purpose is to weed out the good guys, and leave the field open for the cads. Women are flaky because they are testing you for signs of emotional investment. But unlike their grandmothers, they are searching for committed guys so that they can reject them.
Understanding this dynamic is the key to solid pre-bang text and phone game, which is the subject of the rest of this post.
As with all aspects of game, you will fare best if you understand the underlying core principles that you are trying to subcommunicate. In this case:
- You are on the fence over whether you want to see her again.
- You are kind of into her, but haven’t entirely made up your mind yet.
- You are an exceptionally busy man who does not have time to check his phone constantly or write pointless chatty messages.
Now ideally, you are sub-communicating all of these points because they are true. Regarding the first two, if you are feeling stressed about any one particular lead in your funnel, the solution is to get out and crunch numbers until you’re back at the appropriate aloofness equilibrium. Alternatively, you can put yourself in the proper state of mind by taking that girl who you really, really want to lock down, and imagine she’s carrying an extra ten pounds. Yeah, you’ll still bang her… but you’re not going to get excited about it or anything.
As for the last point, this is an issue of time and information as much as it is about seduction. You’re a busy man, right? You don’t have time to bullshit with girls back and forth all day, right? So, limit yourself to one or two ‘windows’ of text messaging per day. I tend to go with noon and 10pm. Each time you hit a ‘window’ clear your inbox and reply to all text messages worth replying to.
For your own mental health, its important to understand the limitations of text and phone game. It is uncommon to take a girl from cold to warm through text messages. Some girls are cold and just want to waste your time to edify their self-esteem. You want to identify and cut off these girls as quickly as possible. The girls who are warm, they are yours to lose. Texting is a phase of the game with lots of opportunities to lose attraction, and very limited opportunities to build it. Your goal with warm girls is to lock down the next date, nothing more. Get in, have a short exchange, lock down the time and place. That’s it.
Once you realize that these are the only these possible outcomes, texting becomes extremely basic. Your goals are simply to identify and cut off the time wasters, exchange logistics with the girls who are into you, and do it all with zero neediness.
So how does one communicate zero neediness in a text message conversation? Follow these three simple rules:
- Bullshit answers get no response. Specifically, if she turns down a time/place that you put out, without suggesting another or telling you a few days she is free, that is bullshit and the appropriate response is radio silence. If she likes you but is simply bad at communication, she will eventually re-initiate contact.
- No emoticons. No laughter beyond a single, sparsely used “hah.”
- Do not get caught in long text conversations. Three joke-y, flirt-y exchanges at most, then you are locking down the next date. Long pointless text messaging conversations are for her girl friends and beta orbiters.
Above all, always abide by the greatest, simplest, most immediately actionable text message guideline ever written: The Jumbotron Test. If you wouldn’t want it broadcast over a Jumbotron for the world to see, it’s probably bad text game.